Friday, September 30, 2022

Growing up just a tired process

Friday, 30 September — Lay down on the bed

Hi, before you start please play 'Peter pan was right' in the background :))

No, really tho. I currently on 23 and maybe it just right to be called young adult. Yeah I'm young adult now who just very confused and frustrated and disappointed and irritated for so many things that happened, angry and upset towards so many peoples. Confuse when things didn't go my way, frustrated to make an adult understand me, understand my need, understand my struggle, understand what I'm going through. So many things make me disappointed but yet just keeping all the things inside just because of the thought that I already grown up now, I should handle my own problem. I should control my emotion well. In fact, you just totally clueless and hopeless. Are that enough to sum up everything of being a 23 adult?

Ok wait now it occurs to me that I nearly will become 24 soon tho! All my misspend youth goes wasted, make me again —devastated.

Let me summarize everything's that going on in my 23. After finish my internship at this company, I got an offer from the manager to continue as a permanent staff there. Ok that's great stuff. I didn't think twice cuz I know I need this job. I know it's not easy to find a job. I'm grateful, really. so I grab the chance and accept the offer. Ok that's good.

First day, I still remember, it's not a good start. My car broke down in the highway because of battery car problem. So I tell my boss I will come to office a bit late. Around 11AM like that I arrive, no one welcoming me and I just went to my table at the back and seat there quietly (I just happened to know my own table since I already doing internship there and I already know everyone, so no need for introduction. Okay that's fine)

My senior happened to not be in the office most of the time because of personal issue (mostly because her first-born daughter. She's a mother so need to take a great care of her daughter. Okay that's understandable). So my alternative is, to learn the job by myself. I study little bit, taking notes, revise the previous works, etc.. Not long after that, I remember that my sister was infected with corona and I need to work from home for a week.

Coming back to office, and as usual my senior not in the office. Everything's up in the chat. So this is when coming an emotional part. My boss ask to do some task which are really new to me (well being said I just new in the industry field). I've got no one to guide me. No one to ask. So I've got no choice and just ask my boss. I don't know if my question sounds stupid or what (well you can't blame me since no one told me how things going. Since intern), he irritatingly answer me like I some sort of dumb and noob kid. I was taken aback how he answer me. 

Ok then I realized, is it because I just a new employee? I'm being looked down? I can't ask questions? Ok fine that's okay. 

Wait— I really really sleepy right now. Cannot even open my eyes. Bye, I'm going to sleep! Will continue part 2 when possible

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